Happy Birthday, Chili’s! (The untold History of Climbing a 14er at Chili’s)

What kind of filthy animal forgets to wish a loved one a happy birthday on their special day? Chili’s turns 43 today (March 13th), and Chili’s is far from lame and middle aged like all you 43 year olds out there reading Titans Tok (43 year olds are our 6th largest demographic)

Chili's bathroom tattoo
Tattoos last forever just like I thought all day every day happy hour at Chili’s would

Chili’s can be the butt of bad jokes focused on chain restaurants, but the fact of the matter is Chili’s has top notch food at good prices. There is no better place to hang out and drink 10-32 Coors Lights while you watch the games, and the staff is generally very friendly. Steak for $10-15 is a steal, and the Fajita Effect is real (once one person orders Fajita’s the likelihood of others in the restaurant also ordering Fajita’s due to the sound and smell sky rockets. This fact brought to you by conversations and study I have done at Chili’s.)

So, Cheers to another year of Bold Flavors and ice cold drinks, Chili’s!

Chili’s has always been awesome, but here is a quick summary of why Chili’s is the top dog in the bar and restaurant pound. In August of 2012, one of my friends (We’ll call him Tyler) had his birthday on a Monday. My other friend (We’ll call this one Nick) and I had partied the night before since Sunday partying was possible for me back in my early 20’s. We decided to go to Chili’s for lunch and soak up some patch-me-up cold ones.

Tyler met us late and was a round behind, and we were feeling good by the time Nick and I were at 14 beers and Tyler was at 12. Keep in mind back in the day Chili’s served 10 ounce beers, and had 2 for 1 happy hour all day every day. So the beers came in 2’s and cost $3.50 for each pair. We asked to keep the used empty mugs on the table, which didn’t help our cause of drinking a bunch, but also didn’t play a factor in getting us cut off. Point being, we are idiots for not taking a picture because it was pretty rockin’ to see 40 empty Chili’s mugs filling up our table.

Do these look familiar? These are the old 10 ounce mugs that were served in 2’s. They are no longer in any Chili’s locations, but luckily I acquired 4 of them that I use at home to relive the glory days.

We were pretty buzzed but far from actually drunk at this point, and the waiter notified us that he couldn’t bring us more beers. We played it off cool by telling the guy who had brought us 14 beers each that we weren’t that drunk. The waiter agreed, but the computer system at Chili’s doesn’t allow a customer to get served more than 14 alcoholic drinks. Why 14? No idea. I’m guessing they had to put something in there and decided to go with a number that they figured no one would ever hit.

The computer cutting us off is a convenient excuse, right? It seemed the waiter was a shifty character who needs to be liked by everyone, so tried to pin the disappoint of three young lads on software instead of his own poor judgment.

But alas we checked at many locations, and they all cut us off at 14 beers.

In Colorado there are 58 (shoutout Von Miller) mountains at least 14,000 feet. Among the high climbers here they brag about how many 14ers they have climbed. Since myself, Nick, Tyler and a guy we will call Tony, are four sharp and witty gents, we named drinking successfully drinking the full allotment of beers at Chili’s ‘climbing a 14er’.

As time marches on, things change. Sometimes for the worse (which we’ll get to) and sometimes for the better. Our first break was a lucky one.

Sometime in 2013/2014, Chili’s redid their point of sale system software and got rid of the 14 beer limit! We were no longer caged animals, and now could roam free like a lion in the open prairie, only stopped by waiter/waitress judgment and our own physical limitations.

Valentines Day 2014 – Going for the all time record, which at this point was 26 ten ounce beers, Tyler got to 30! Mount Everest is just shy of 30,000 feet so this feat was nicknamed climbing Everest.

Subsequent to this, personal records were set by Nick (31?), Tony (32?) and myself (31/32?) making us the baddest boys on the block. The 4 headed monster of Chili’s beer drinking mountain climbing.

I said that bad news was coming, and I didn’t lie. Come October of 2016, Chili’s marketing made a big fuck up. They got rid of all day 2 for 1 happy hour (They still have it, but not during the good times to drink 10-32 beers) and also got rid of all 10 ounce mugs. Now they offer a 22 ounce mug for about the same price as the 2 for 1 ten ounce mugs used to cost. They think it’s a win for the consumer, but it’s a huge huge loss. Drinking even 14 of the new style size of beers is nearly impossible (legal talk: DO NOT ATTEMPT) let alone 30. What’s the fun of bragging to your friends about pounding 8 beers at Chili’s over the weekend? HINT: It’s not that much fun.

Through the ups and downs, thick and thin, good times and bad times, Chili’s is the GOAT. There is no other restaurant’s logo I would be as proud to have as the Chili’s chili pepper. Maybe Olive Garden, but probably not.

Use promo code #TitansTok when checking out at Chili’s. We do not have an agreement in place with Chili’s yet, but I think if I drive enough business to them and they know it’s me, I may be able to get a gig high up in Chili’s hierarchy. But this promotion is completely free, and honestly is the least I can do for Chili’s on their birthday.

Stay tuned for more articles on Chili’s on Titans Tok!

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