K$ is gonna bring Titans focused Tok in 2018!

Hi loyal readers,

Titans Tok Kevin (K-Money on the streets) here. I’m a Broncos fan – always have been and always will be. If the Broncos play the Titans, I’m rooting for the ‘Cos no question. But from being a Titans fan and bad boy blogger since November 2017, I’ve realized that I can’t stop providing the best Denver-based Titans’ Tok and humor to the internet. Sign me up for another season of bringing my Titans heat on this blog in addition to Broncos, Rockies, NBA and guy humor intertwined to the Titans Tok Family, especially Nick, Gilbet, NFL Insider Timmy, and our over 1,000 twitter followers (humble and not a brag)

It’s been a tough off season for me and this decision weighed heavier than Nick Foles’ giant peener. I like the Titans and the city of Nashville, and this year realized that NBA teams are more like homes than significant others. The Broncos are my main home which I love and keep my clothes, Chili’s gift cards, and triple TV set up. The Titans are my New Orleans second home just off Bourbon Street. I’d be fucking stupid to give up my second home just because my main house might not have as many problems this upcoming year.

Some friends have acted like being the best blogger of a team besides my primary team is some sort of grave sin I ought to tuck my tail between my legs in shame for. (Side note: If my tail is 4 inches it would be the longest thing when it’s tucked between my legs so there’s the answer to what you are wondering) That’s simply not the case. It’s not like a girlfriend/wife where you’re a piece of shit to even consider anything besides the one you’re with. Anyone who thinks I’m wrong here is a reverse Mormon into some weird shit since you are committed to being monogamous with just one set of 53 dudes, 10+ coaches and  GM but unwilling to also root and provide the best content for a second set of the same thing.

So nothing is going to change, except that I’ll bury the hatchet on if I’m going to be a bandwagon Titans fan again. I’m now a PERMANENT bandwagon Titans fan. Luckily I’m the proud owner of the Swagon so that will be my bandwagon. Saving $$$ so I can focus on telling crass jokes not shopping for a new wagon.Pic of swagon

The one thing we are going to do some digging into soon at Titans Tok is the new head coach, Mike Vrabel. Vrabel has experience as a player or coach for three teams I fucking hate – Texans, Patriots and Chiefs and one team I would hate if my dad wasn’t from the area, the Pittsburgh Steelers. This seems to be a classic case of firing a good employee due to well documented Erectile Dysfunction problems (2017 Titans’ Head Coach Mike Mularkey) and replacing him by a guy with a beard because Titans’ Owner Bud Adams thinks having a beard means high testosterone which means no peener probs which means a good football leader. If anything Vrabel’s beard just shows he’s covering up being more than 50% gay on that spectrum, but this is a Sports and Humor blog not a beard/sexual orientation blog. The evidence is out there for that, just google “Gay Beard” and you can do your own research.

Please follow us on Twitter @TitansTok and let us know what content you would like to see going forward. If you have a hookup for any interesting guests we would love to have them on the podcast. Unfortunately we have oversold ads for the podcast so can not accomodate any companies looking to pay to advertise until after the NFL Draft.

Titan up!

Coach Mike Mularkey needs to go (but not get fired) – Front Door Guy Zone Probs Explained

The Titans are struggling, and besides Taylor Lewan not growing out a rockin’ pony, there is one more obvious issue that may be holding the Titans back – The Front Door Guy Zone Probs of head coach Mike Mularkey.

Titans Twitter has been going crazy with Coach M’s play calling and question whether he has balls to do stuff like limit DeMarco Murray’s touches.

All these stats are great but the coach is an idiot. So doesn’t matter. Mularkey is caving to a big name contract player with pedigree. Doesn’t have the balls to limit Murray’s touches because of ineffectiveness

Heeb‏ @Helmathedog Dec 21 2017

It’s pretty clear that Coach M doesn’t have two working balls and a man hog that’s working correctly as evidenced by the Titans 3-4 record since Titans Tok started being fans of the team. We’ll get to potential major front door guy zone probs momentarily, but let’s start with minor front door probs Mike has shown in his career.

It’s a little known fact for good reason that no one remembers his playing career as a tight end in the NFL since he scored 9 touchdowns in 9 seasons. One of the plays he was tackled on must have nudged his bladder out of place because he always has to take a piss at the end of halves which costs the team in situations where they need to take a timeout to score before time runs out but he has to hit the john.

Coach Mularkey is ½ of Cam Cameron’s coaching tree (the other half is an inappropriate name we probably shouldn’t say since kids could be reading, but his name is Jon Heac*ck who was a head coach at Youngstown State for a while). Cam Cameron was fired after his first season in Miami and Mularkey was demoted to Tight End coach the next year. The Jaguars decided to take a chance on Mularkey as their head coach in 2011 in part because he’s part of Cam Cameron’s coaching tree.

What the Jags didn’t know when they hired Coach M was that he (allegedly) can’t go more than an hour without taking a wiz. Behind closed doors after Coach Mularkey’s first season as head coach in Jacksonville, the Jags owner at the time Wayne Weaver (allegedly) asked Mularkey to drink a 12 ounce Gatorade and stay in his office for a two hour end of season review. When Mularkey couldn’t hold it any more his time as a coach in Jacksonville ended while his urine stream started in Mr. Weaver’s office bathroom.

What we don’t know is if the size of Mularkey’s front door guy zone main hose has anything to do with his lackluster playcalling. It’s assumed that if he was remarkable in the guy zone size department one way or the other rumors would have spread during his playing days like they do in the current day for Big Dick Nick Foles on the Eagles.

So what we’re left with is a head coach whose front door guy zone can’t handle the pressure late in a half with less than two balls and an average sized guy hose, which is likely bigger now than it was when he showered in the NFL since he has children which (allegedly) adds 20-40% of size.

Good coaches fit their scheme to the players they have, and a good organization ought to fit their situation to the coaches front door guy zone areas of concern. The Titans haven’t done coach M any favors by surrounding him by older guys who likely have their own frequent urination problems. Offensive Coordinator Terry Robiskie is 63 and Defensive Coordinator Charles Richard LeBeau (Known as Defense Dick) is 80 years old. Based on the looks of things (http://www.titansonline.com/team/coaches.html) the Titans would be best served to have two Port-o-Potty’s on the sidelines for coaches, and rotate use of one for coaches to pee during the game so at most one coach is off the sideline at any point and everyone can focus on the game and not on bouncing between feet to hold it in toward the end of halves. The other john will actually be the Titans Concussion room so the opposing team and Goodell won’t know whether a player is taking a piss or has a concussion.

The Titans will need a leader who coaches like he has multiple balls even if that’s not the case and who has patience to make the right call that only comes with football knowledge and an empty bladder if they have a chance to beat the Jags Sunday and advance to the playoffs. Things won’t be quite as personal for Mularkey since the owner who shamed him into peeing his way into losing his job, Wayne Weaver, sold the team to Shahid Khan. But there’s still enough bad blood for Mularkey to get the Titans pumped up to play on Sunday, hopefully none of that blood is in Coach M’s urine.

 

Coach Mike Mularkey needs to go, but not get fired.

Kevin and Nick both interview Gilbet

We had our good pal and recurring guest Gilbet into the studio to talk work schedules, breaking news that he doesn’t know who will start at QB for the Broncos, and more breaking news that he doesn’t know if Kirk Cousins is worth more than Brock Osweiler to the Broncos. The first half is Kevin’s interview with Gilbet and the second half is Nick chatting with Gilbot.

Why doesn’t Taylor Lewan have a rockin’ pony tail?

The Titans Offensive Line (the football kind of offensive line not Jerry Richardon’s now infamous offensive lines harassing women or the Dolphins coach blow lines that offended some people) was one of the best in the league last year. Maybe the Cowboys O-line was better and that’s about it.

What happened this year? The offensive struggles have been well chronicled, and Mariotta and the receiving corps have pretty much stunk. The o-line has been solid, but if they’ve taken a step it has been backwards not forwards.

It’s not too late to turn things around this season and make a Super Bowl run. Next year will look a lot better, but his hair is long enough to do it this year. Taylor Lewan needs to pon’ it up.

Taylor Lewan has the look of a guy who should have a pony tail while he kicks the shit out of NFL defensive ends and Ohio State fans at the bar. The only thing that’s missing is the pony tail. Nothing is more intimidating than an all beef bad boy with a rockin’ pony tail, and Lewan is basically that except the pony is missing.

Let’s ride this pony to the Supes, you guys.

Special Tools on Tools – Gilbet on Table Saws 12-16-2017

We were lucky enough to have recurring guest and Tool guy Gilbet on to talk Table Saws. The conversation also wanders into what a brother-in-law actually means, Kevin and Gilbet’s work schedules, why the NFL schedules Saturday Christmas games every 4 years, and why Roger Goodell is on Gilbet’s shit list.

 

Ben ZP Vegas Insider Locks of the Week

In case you weren’t able to listen to the podcast, here are Vegas Insider Ben ZP’s Locks of the Week. Smart money follows ZP. Will update post as games are final.

Ben ZP Bets

Dallas vs Giants – lock of the week – NYG Straight up +165, Over 41.5 Parlay
Actual Score – Dallas 30, NYG 10
Result – Loss
Packers vs Browns – Cleveland Straight up +135
Actual Score – Packers 27 Browns 21
Result – Loss
49ers vs Texans – Lock of the week – All in on Houston Texans -3 (+110) Under 45 parlay
Actual Score – 49ers 26, Texans 16
Result – Loss
Bears vs Bengals – Bears +240 moneyline
Actual Score – Bears 33 Bengals 7
Result – Win
Vikings vs Panthers – Panthers +3 Over 40 parlay – lock of the week
Actual Score – Vikings 24 Panthers 31
Result – Win
Lions vs Buccaneers – Under 45
Actual Score – Lions 24, Bucs 21
Result – Loss
Raiders vs Chiefs – Raiders +4 Under 48.5 parlay – take to the bank game
Actual Score – Raiders 15, Chiefs 26
Result – Loss
Colts vs Bills – Bills -3
Actual Score – Colts 7 Bills 13
Result – Win
Jets vs Broncos – Jets -1.5 Over 40 – Lock of the week
Actual Score –
Result –
Redskins vs San Diego Chargers on neutral field in LA – Redskins -6 – Lock of the millenium
Actual Score –
Result –
Titans vs Cardinals – Cardinals +140 and under 43 (Under is a lock)
Actual Score –
Result –
Seahawks vs Jags – PUSH over/under 40 if bet is allowed
Actual Score –
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Eagles vs Rams – Tie and over/under 48 – Over 48
Actual Score –
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Ravens vs Steelers – Pit -5
Actual Score –
Result –