Why doesn’t Taylor Lewan have a rockin’ pony tail?

The Titans Offensive Line (the football kind of offensive line not Jerry Richardon’s now infamous offensive lines harassing women or the Dolphins coach blow lines that offended some people) was one of the best in the league last year. Maybe the Cowboys O-line was better and that’s about it.

What happened this year? The offensive struggles have been well chronicled, and Mariotta and the receiving corps have pretty much stunk. The o-line has been solid, but if they’ve taken a step it has been backwards not forwards.

It’s not too late to turn things around this season and make a Super Bowl run. Next year will look a lot better, but his hair is long enough to do it this year. Taylor Lewan needs to pon’ it up.

Taylor Lewan has the look of a guy who should have a pony tail while he kicks the shit out of NFL defensive ends and Ohio State fans at the bar. The only thing that’s missing is the pony tail. Nothing is more intimidating than an all beef bad boy with a rockin’ pony tail, and Lewan is basically that except the pony is missing.

Let’s ride this pony to the Supes, you guys.

Special Tools on Tools – Gilbet on Table Saws 12-16-2017

We were lucky enough to have recurring guest and Tool guy Gilbet on to talk Table Saws. The conversation also wanders into what a brother-in-law actually means, Kevin and Gilbet’s work schedules, why the NFL schedules Saturday Christmas games every 4 years, and why Roger Goodell is on Gilbet’s shit list.

 

Ben ZP Vegas Insider Locks of the Week

In case you weren’t able to listen to the podcast, here are Vegas Insider Ben ZP’s Locks of the Week. Smart money follows ZP. Will update post as games are final.

Ben ZP Bets

Dallas vs Giants – lock of the week – NYG Straight up +165, Over 41.5 Parlay
Actual Score – Dallas 30, NYG 10
Result – Loss
Packers vs Browns – Cleveland Straight up +135
Actual Score – Packers 27 Browns 21
Result – Loss
49ers vs Texans – Lock of the week – All in on Houston Texans -3 (+110) Under 45 parlay
Actual Score – 49ers 26, Texans 16
Result – Loss
Bears vs Bengals – Bears +240 moneyline
Actual Score – Bears 33 Bengals 7
Result – Win
Vikings vs Panthers – Panthers +3 Over 40 parlay – lock of the week
Actual Score – Vikings 24 Panthers 31
Result – Win
Lions vs Buccaneers – Under 45
Actual Score – Lions 24, Bucs 21
Result – Loss
Raiders vs Chiefs – Raiders +4 Under 48.5 parlay – take to the bank game
Actual Score – Raiders 15, Chiefs 26
Result – Loss
Colts vs Bills – Bills -3
Actual Score – Colts 7 Bills 13
Result – Win
Jets vs Broncos – Jets -1.5 Over 40 – Lock of the week
Actual Score –
Result –
Redskins vs San Diego Chargers on neutral field in LA – Redskins -6 – Lock of the millenium
Actual Score –
Result –
Titans vs Cardinals – Cardinals +140 and under 43 (Under is a lock)
Actual Score –
Result –
Seahawks vs Jags – PUSH over/under 40 if bet is allowed
Actual Score –
Result –
Eagles vs Rams – Tie and over/under 48 – Over 48
Actual Score –
Result –
Ravens vs Steelers – Pit -5
Actual Score –
Result –

Real Titans Fake Titans / No Longer Tits Tok

Hey there Titans Tok Family. In our last podcast we threw around the idea of shortening the name of the podcast to Tits Tok. Unfortunately that name is pronounced Tights Tok, but when spelled out it’s a bit inappropriate. We realized the mistake when I started writing this week’s blog, Real Titans / Fake Titans. So, our official name will continue to be Titans Tok and “Tits Tok” will go down in history as the biggest blunder we’ve made to date.

With that said, let’s get down to Titans Tok business. The lifeblood of an NFL team is built through the draft, where young assets are collected to be viewed and grow into top notch NFL players. Free Agency can supplement a team, but the core of the best teams are going to be drafted players (Real Titans) not Free Agents (Fake Titans).

A good example of this is at running back, where Heisman Winner Derrick Henry (Real Titan) was drafted in the second round in 2016 while DeMarco Murray (Fake Titan) was acquired via trade that same offseason. Now I don’t mean to second guess head coach Mike Mularkey, but the case can be made that he plays with Fake Titans far too much. This season Fake Titan DeMarco Murray has gotten the rock 117 times compared to Real Titan Derrick Henry’s 101 carries. They have virtually the same yardage gained (443 for Fake Titan Murray, 441 for Real Titan Henry) but it has taken a lot more exposure for the Fake Titan Murray to get the same results.

Perhaps if Coach Mularkey and his staff can take a deep breath and appreciate the natural game of Real Titans rather than be awestruck by the fancy Fake Titans in the room the team would be better off. I’m not trying to say the team would be better off with no Fake Titans and there is surely a time and place for Fake Titans to supplement any good team….but Real Titans can be just as productive without the high cost of acquiring Fake Titans.

A key reason the team has been so solid since we became fans two games ago is the Huge Real Titans on the offensive line. Taylor Lewan is a Real Titans who is about as big as any Fake Titan you’re going to find and quite frankly nothing is better than ginormous Real Titans when you’re looking at the team. The Offensive Line is made up of Real Titan Quitnon Spain who is a HUGE Titan weighing in at 330 pounds. You notice that kind of home grown Titan all the way across the Cumberland River if he’s standing outside the stadium and you’re on Broadway looking for nice Titans. Jake Conklin is another Real Titan who is huge and fun to watch.

Fake Titan Eric Decker has been a big disappointment, and his bust status is coming up on the size of his wife, Country Music Star (who isn’t a country music star) Jessie James’ bust status. Not to intervene in their relationship, but it seems to be a situation where Fake Titans and Fake Tits and the huge bust of the couple combined are too big for the Titans offense to operate efficiently.

Jesse James

Let’s hope the Titans, Real and Fake, are able to take care of business this Sunday (11am Mountain Time) against the Colts and hold steady in the AFC playoff picture. People forget that they’re only a game back of Jacksonville, so if Blake Bortles and crew are slow out of the gate Jaggin Off on Sunday at the Arizona Cardinals, our Titans could regain first place in the AFC south. The Jaguars have a tough if not impossible task ahead of them to beat Blaine Gabbert, who will be playing with a vigor of a man who was terrible for Jacksonville and ultimately replaced while the Jaguars found their QB in Blake Bortles and Blaine has slept with most NFL teams.

#TitanUP

Special Guest NFL Insider Gilbet – Playoff Scenarios (11-18-2017)

We have our pal Gilbet, leader of Secret Rockies Family and high ranking member of Denver Broncos family and overall sports guru on to chat about the current state of the NFL Playoffs, how the playoff scenarios break down, and why it’s not so surprising the Titans got a female kicker although he wisely advises teams to get female kickers earlier in the season when the temps are higher and thus the nips are softer.

Enjoy the listen. We’re working on getting these set up on regular podcast listening platforms so hopefully they’re on Spotify, Soundcloud, iTunes, etc soon.

We’ll also try and make the website less of a mess so it’s easy to see our blog posts, regular Titans Tok Podcasts and special episodes with guests like these. We appreciate the support of our friends who are reading and listening so as long as some people think it’s funny or interesting we’ll keep ’em coming for a while.

Titans Tok – Episode 2 (Steelers game, Name Change, Taylor Lewan Blackout, Tools on Tools)

Welcome to Episode 2 of Titans Tok 11-18-2017. In this episode Tim Tebow joins as we over the top apologize for missing our podcast last week, discuss a possible name change of the Podcast, new segment – how Titans’ Offensive Lineman Taylor Lewan gets blackout drunk after every game, new segment – Tools on Tools – Titans WR Harry Douglas talking about hammers, and Recap the Titans v Steelers game – how Adoree’ Jackson was misused, how proud we are of Ryan Succop’s performance as a woman in cold weather with hard nips, Steelers 4th grade girls should be proud of their celebrations, Steelers coach Joey Porter drank too much whiskey and drove around Fart Collins, CO and then got a double whammy of DUI and whiskey farts, and if Marriota’s 4 INT’s could be a new Chili’s menu item The Quadruple Dipper.