Real Titans Fake Titans / No Longer Tits Tok

Hey there Titans Tok Family. In our last podcast we threw around the idea of shortening the name of the podcast to Tits Tok. Unfortunately that name is pronounced Tights Tok, but when spelled out it’s a bit inappropriate. We realized the mistake when I started writing this week’s blog, Real Titans / Fake Titans. So, our official name will continue to be Titans Tok and “Tits Tok” will go down in history as the biggest blunder we’ve made to date.

With that said, let’s get down to Titans Tok business. The lifeblood of an NFL team is built through the draft, where young assets are collected to be viewed and grow into top notch NFL players. Free Agency can supplement a team, but the core of the best teams are going to be drafted players (Real Titans) not Free Agents (Fake Titans).

A good example of this is at running back, where Heisman Winner Derrick Henry (Real Titan) was drafted in the second round in 2016 while DeMarco Murray (Fake Titan) was acquired via trade that same offseason. Now I don’t mean to second guess head coach Mike Mularkey, but the case can be made that he plays with Fake Titans far too much. This season Fake Titan DeMarco Murray has gotten the rock 117 times compared to Real Titan Derrick Henry’s 101 carries. They have virtually the same yardage gained (443 for Fake Titan Murray, 441 for Real Titan Henry) but it has taken a lot more exposure for the Fake Titan Murray to get the same results.

Perhaps if Coach Mularkey and his staff can take a deep breath and appreciate the natural game of Real Titans rather than be awestruck by the fancy Fake Titans in the room the team would be better off. I’m not trying to say the team would be better off with no Fake Titans and there is surely a time and place for Fake Titans to supplement any good team….but Real Titans can be just as productive without the high cost of acquiring Fake Titans.

A key reason the team has been so solid since we became fans two games ago is the Huge Real Titans on the offensive line. Taylor Lewan is a Real Titans who is about as big as any Fake Titan you’re going to find and quite frankly nothing is better than ginormous Real Titans when you’re looking at the team. The Offensive Line is made up of Real Titan Quitnon Spain who is a HUGE Titan weighing in at 330 pounds. You notice that kind of home grown Titan all the way across the Cumberland River if he’s standing outside the stadium and you’re on Broadway looking for nice Titans. Jake Conklin is another Real Titan who is huge and fun to watch.

Fake Titan Eric Decker has been a big disappointment, and his bust status is coming up on the size of his wife, Country Music Star (who isn’t a country music star) Jessie James’ bust status. Not to intervene in their relationship, but it seems to be a situation where Fake Titans and Fake Tits and the huge bust of the couple combined are too big for the Titans offense to operate efficiently.

Jesse James

Let’s hope the Titans, Real and Fake, are able to take care of business this Sunday (11am Mountain Time) against the Colts and hold steady in the AFC playoff picture. People forget that they’re only a game back of Jacksonville, so if Blake Bortles and crew are slow out of the gate Jaggin Off on Sunday at the Arizona Cardinals, our Titans could regain first place in the AFC south. The Jaguars have a tough if not impossible task ahead of them to beat Blaine Gabbert, who will be playing with a vigor of a man who was terrible for Jacksonville and ultimately replaced while the Jaguars found their QB in Blake Bortles and Blaine has slept with most NFL teams.

#TitanUP

Special Guest NFL Insider Gilbet – Playoff Scenarios (11-18-2017)

We have our pal Gilbet, leader of Secret Rockies Family and high ranking member of Denver Broncos family and overall sports guru on to chat about the current state of the NFL Playoffs, how the playoff scenarios break down, and why it’s not so surprising the Titans got a female kicker although he wisely advises teams to get female kickers earlier in the season when the temps are higher and thus the nips are softer.

Enjoy the listen. We’re working on getting these set up on regular podcast listening platforms so hopefully they’re on Spotify, Soundcloud, iTunes, etc soon.

We’ll also try and make the website less of a mess so it’s easy to see our blog posts, regular Titans Tok Podcasts and special episodes with guests like these. We appreciate the support of our friends who are reading and listening so as long as some people think it’s funny or interesting we’ll keep ’em coming for a while.

Titans Tok – Episode 2 (Steelers game, Name Change, Taylor Lewan Blackout, Tools on Tools)

Welcome to Episode 2 of Titans Tok 11-18-2017. In this episode Tim Tebow joins as we over the top apologize for missing our podcast last week, discuss a possible name change of the Podcast, new segment – how Titans’ Offensive Lineman Taylor Lewan gets blackout drunk after every game, new segment – Tools on Tools – Titans WR Harry Douglas talking about hammers, and Recap the Titans v Steelers game – how Adoree’ Jackson was misused, how proud we are of Ryan Succop’s performance as a woman in cold weather with hard nips, Steelers 4th grade girls should be proud of their celebrations, Steelers coach Joey Porter drank too much whiskey and drove around Fart Collins, CO and then got a double whammy of DUI and whiskey farts, and if Marriota’s 4 INT’s could be a new Chili’s menu item The Quadruple Dipper.

 

Can Denver SUPport two NFL Teams?

As my 10th day as a Tennessee Titans Fan in Denver comes to a close, I have been both reflective and contemplative intellectually – think Collin Kaepernick’s lower body with Einstein’s upper body except with The Rock’s arms instead of Albert’s obviously because my brain doesn’t have embarrassingly small ‘ceps. I’ve been thinking about if Denver would be able to support two NFL teams full time.

It’s been pretty easy to be both a Broncos and Titans fan for the last ten days. Plus since you can mix and match favorite teams like New York does with the Giants and Jets it would be even easier to have a city like Denver support two teams.

As bad as the internet is for talking politics with strangers or sending dick pics to strangers (Ted Cruz), it is that great for finding information and figuring out the answer to questions like is Denver a Two Football Team City? First, I needed to gather census data from 1890 onward since no one born before 1890 was a football fan. Make sure you don’t read that as 1980, it’s 1890 like horse was a high brow rich asshole way to travel. Second, I got voter census data from the 29 cities with NFL teams, the next 10 largest metro areas in the US and ten cities that I chose for fan. Here are the absolutely correct results of how many NFL teams each city can support. Any cities that are missing from the list are due to bias in the polling system but for the full list you can venmo me $20 and I’ll make up all the parts that are missing.

 

City # of NFL Teams it Can Support Chili’s per 5,000 residents
New York City, NY 2.48 0.0046
Green Bay, WI 0.213 1.4
Cheyenne, WY 0.214 408
Dallas, TX 1 0.87
Los Angeles, CA 4 36
Nashville, TN 0.76 4.55
Denver, CO 1.29 240
Seattle, WA 0.89 0

Right away you will notice some cities jump off the charts. For example, Cheyenne can support NFL teams than Green Bay. Green Bay only has a team because the owners are themselves so they are too lazy to move the team to a real city like shitty Cheyenne. Cheyenne also has the most Chili’s per resident as was registered in this study.

LA can support 4 teams so keep ’em coming, NFL! Los Angeles Jaguars has two nice rings to it – the way it sounds and the Super Bowl ring Blake Bortles will bring them.

Denver can’t quite support two NFL teams, but Nashville can’t quite support one so combined they can support both teams. Rather than have my beloved Tennessee Titans eventually shrivel due to a city that can’t fully support them, I advise that they change the name to the Denver Titans and continue to play all their home games in Nashville. As you’ll see from the data, if we can just get about 1 out of every 5 Broncos fans to switch over to a Titans fan we will have enough Denver Titans fans to fully support the team going forward. Plus, with Denver Real Estate as crazy as it is these days, being able to relocate the Denver Titans to where they currently play in Nashville would be a great move.

Being a facts guy (not a fax guy – see Elvis Dumerville, 2013. Use the contact us feature on this website if you need me to continue explaining this pun), it makes nothing but sense to move the Tennessee Titans to Denver, and have them continue to play their Home games and have training camp in the great state of Tennessee. It will be a boon for the state of Colorado to get income and marijuana tax on the entire Titans Roster, and a nice way to make Denver a more diverse city NFL-wise while giving Nashville the support it needs to stay in the NFL big leagues.

Keep in mind that while Pittsburgh leads the all time series against the Titans, Denver leads that all time series vs Pittsburgh. So that gives the edge to the Denver Titans in Thursday Night’s Color Rush Showdown, Titans vs Steelers heavyweight fight, let’s roll you guys.

#Econ #Economics

We WILL be better

We will be better. As the Titans Toking Heads (pronounced Talking but taking tokes of stuff is pretty chill) we will always have a podcast for the pre-game and post game each week. I wanted to get ahead of this one and make sure Titans Tok Family knows Titan Tok Nick and Titan Tok Kevin won’t fuck up again and are going to provide podcasts until we aren’t Titans fans any more at the end of this season and we’ll see where we take Titans Tok from there. We actually meant to record a podcast on Tuesday night but I forgot my computer which has the podcast recording software. It takes a Giant to apologize but a Titan to redeem himself, and I promise I’ll probably be a Titan not a Giant. *We probably won’t actually be better but will at least TRY to be better than our fuckup this week.

The good news is you get blogs from both Nick and Kevin this week in place of the Podcast so let’s get started Toking (again pronounced Talking but do whatever you want while you read this quality content).

Week 10 Recap – Our Tennessee Titans took care of business at home and layed twelve deuces on the Bengals, 24-20. The Bengals may have had the backdoor cover (Vegas spread TEN -4.5) but  it’s the Titans who had the final flush and let’s hope it was a no-wiper since they have to get back on in the shitter for a Thursday Night Color Rush game at Pittsburgh. The Titans frustrated the Bengals all day and ultimately confused them into getting their linebacker and head coach mad at each other. You can’t spell GRIT without ‘Tennessee Titans Rushing Game’ and the Titans proved that again this week.

Looking forward: Week 11 matchup at Pittsburgh.

Our Tennessee Titans are heading northeast, possibly into a different time zone depending on if Pittsburgh and Nashville are different. A short, quick, slim week will make it an interesting matchup again the Tall, Slow, Fat QB of the Steelers Big Ben who has done much worse things in bathrooms than the Titans and Bengals did while taking dumps in last week’s game.

The Steelers come in with a 7-2 record, tied with NE for the top record in the AFC. The Titans are only a game behind, and could conceivably be tied for the AFC lead after this week if the Pats lose to the Raiders.

But let’s keep things straight and headed the right direction (like Marcus Mariotta as discussed in the first podcast) and focus on how to get the W this week at PIT. Surprisingly the Steelers offense hasn’t been great this season with 187 points scored, 18 less than our Tennessee Titans have.

Thursday Night Games tend to favor grit teams, so let’s hope Mike Mularkey is shoving Cream O’ Wheat down the team’s gullets on the plane ride to Pittsburgh.

Titans seem relatively healthy besides DeMarco Murray and Corey Davis sitting out of practice this week. Jonathan Cyprien, Tye Smith and Erik Walden also did not practice so hopefully they either aren’t important or are just decoy not practicing to trick Mike Tomlin.

SPONSORED CONTENT:

Your favorite neighborhood bar and grill, Chili’s, is the official Titans bar for the rest of the season. Nick and I will be watching every Titans game there and so should you. Whether you’re a Titans fan or not, everyone is a fan of good eats and slamming a bunch of 23 ounce Coors Lights. Especially since the bar we went to last week is actually a Vikings bar even though they said they are a Titans Bar, Chili’s is the place to be this Titans season and beyond even when we are no longer Titans Fans.

 

SPONSORED CONTENT:

Bill Baller Brand (bigballerbrand.com) was actually our first sponsor so will always have a spot in Titans Tok hearts. They make great sports apparel for women, men and tweeners. Unfortunately they have no way to get the word out about their top notch products so have turned to us to get their product turnt up. Use Promo Code TOK when checking out with $500 sneakers.

NOTE FROM TITANS TOK:

If you know a good way to get real, or preferably fake, fans of the podcast and our twitter page please let me know. More than happy to pay a few bucks to buy 69,000 or so fake followers. Also I’m working on getting the blog onto Spotify and iTunes so if I do that any 5 star ratings you can give it or create fake accounts and give it 5 star ratings would be appreciated.

 

 

#TitanUp

What’s up Titans nation and fans of the Titans Tok podcast –

 

Wanted to pump out a quick blog on this lazy Wednesday afternoon to whet the insatiable appetite of all you Titaniacs.

 

I want to start with a little background. I have been a fan of the Titans since November 5, 2017. That was the day my buddy Kevin (co-host of Titans Tok) asked me if I wanted to become a Titans fan for the rest of the season since our hometown team, the Denver Broncos, appear to have given up on their season. We’re still Broncos fans, we just wanted to have a rooting interest in games that matter for the rest of the season. Kevin even went so far as to identify a local bar that claimed to be a Titans bar, although when we arrived there on Sunday it became immediately clear that it was a Vikings bar. Undeterred, we remained at the bar for the whole game, watching it on a TV with no sound in the corner by ourselves.

 

We also recorded the first podcast Saturday night. I had been moving into our podcast studio/Kevin’s girlfriend’s basement all day on Saturday and I have to admit I was not prepared. Thankfully Kevin had been following the team for 6 days at that point and was able to shoulder the load through the majority of the inaugural show. Now that I am all settled in, I plan on doing my homework each week and bringing more to the table.

 

Lastly, I want to say that we’re hoping this podcast can reflect the circumstances around which it was created. We think two guys who became Titans fans for the second half of the 2017 season is a funny idea, and we want the podcast/blogs to illustrate that idea.

 

This will not be a venture that necessarily delves into the x’s and o’s of the game of the football. The only x’s and o’s I’m concerned about are the ones at the bottom of the love letters sent to me from the mothers of Jacksonville Jaguars fans.

 

-Nick (member of Titans family since 11/17)